Articles
Two Women in Pain
In recent days I have had lengthy conversations with two women in great emotional pain. One was a total stranger; the other a friend from school days. One is married; the other single. One was in the midst of her daily routine; the other was staring down a hurricane. Both were totally self-absorbed and desperately wanted and needed someone to share their anxiety and pain. These interactions reminded me how abusive one human can be to another, how emotionally injurious such experiences are and how much we need God to heal from and overcome life’s brutality.
Melanie and I met “Mary” in a sandwich shop. Melanie commented at the drink machine about her hand cast which led to a two-hour conversation ranging from her childhood traumas to her career as a geriatric-advocate, from her move to Virginia to her ADHD, from her parents’ divorce to her father’s death – and many places in between. At times she seemed self-aware of how unusual it was to pour out, with great dramatic flair, your whole life story to total strangers. But one area in which she showed no self-awareness was her continual use of profanity in spite of knowing that I was a preacher. This followed a topic of our conversation in which we all decried the lack of situational awareness among our fellow citizens. Oh well …
But here was a typical but troubling takeaway from our discussion: though she said she knew nothing about the Bible, though she cussed like a sailor, though she talked at length about com-passion for people, she admitted: “I don’t consider myself to be religious, but I am very spiritual. God knows the person that I am.” This notion of “spiritual but not religious” is one of the greatest weapons of self-deception Satan has in his arsenal. It reduces a real, substantive relationship with God to feeling good about oneself. Self-approval magically becomes God’s approval. My blessings are proof of God’s favor. Basic morality is the only thing that matters to God: be a good citizen; rescue puppies; give a handout to curb walkers; mean well and don’t hurt others. At the very least this is a gross overestimate of our goodness and understatement of our wickedness.
This is nothing but smoke and mirrors. It is a band aid on a severed artery. It is spiritual junk food. The open acknowledgement that we know nothing about God’s word is an admission that, in the midst of life’s harshness, we have nothing to draw on but our own resources. To the self-reliant, humanistic mind, that is enough. Except it isn’t, as medical personnel are now discovering about the latent and/or delayed psychological effects of Covid. But in addition to the pandemic, we have no way of coping with a parent’s bipolar rages; no way of making sense of a brain-damaging beating from a classmate; no way of dealing with a father’s cruel, apathetic “significant other” who replaced a deranged mother – all of which had happened to Mary.
Thus, when Mary flippantly says she doesn’t know the Bible, it means she doesn’t know things like:
“Oh Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps” (Jer 10:23).
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Ph 4:6-7).
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Ph 4:13).
“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you …” (Mt 5:44).
Mary doesn’t know who God really is, how to approach Him, how to worship Him, what His promises are, how to relieve the burden of guilt, etc. And so she staggers through life hurt and confused, reliving her past with strangers, spouting the latest pop psychology tripe and adopting whatever trends and fads come down the pike. She is not alone; there are millions just like her – our neighbors, co-workers, family members, and sometimes fellow Christians – who are in abject misery but won’t turn to God for help.
The other woman, “Sally,” also came from a traumatic family background. As a child she caught her father in the act of adultery with a neighbor; her mother was a lesbian whose partner lived in their home; her mother also practiced Satanic rituals, was verbally demeaning and openly favored the other two siblings. Sally later married a physically abusive man who stripped her of whatever shred of dignity she had left. Her life has been a battle against psychotic family, five miscarriages, open-heart surgery, a crippling auto accident, legal battles and other dramatic twists and turns.
But a hurricane bearing down on a flimsy apartment, a car that would likely be inundated, days ahead of no power and massive cleanup was more than she could bear. So, thinking she might not survive the night, she put out a distress call and we talked for about three hours. Unlike Mary, Sally does believe in God, knows her Bible pretty well and truly lives a life of sacrifice and service to others. But still the loneliness, fear and stress of always living by a thread occasionally gets her down.
Skeptics mock when hard times befall Christians, mistakenly thinking that we believe our faith will always protect us from life’s madness and mayhem. This is a straw man. Christians, of all people, are the ultimate realists and understand that God does not insulate us from the dangers, diseases and distresses of this sinful, broken world. Rather, He gives us promises, perspective and peace that enables us to keep our heads when everyone around us are losing theirs.
“The problems that beset individual human beings have roots that go far deeper than psychology or sociology can ever reach. Apart from God, the human psyche is incurably sick” (Gary Henry, Reaching Forward, October 3 entry). Self-diagnosis and swallowing Satan’s snake oil will only mask the pain, fill our heads with empty maxims and offer groundless hope in the face of death and disaster.
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Pet 5:6-7).
